All my life, I've been a pretty emotional person... very much a "heart on my sleeve" kinda gal. In some ways, this improved as I got older, and in others it got "worse". (I say that in quotations because I've come to believe it's not really a bad thing; I just have to learn to manage it differently.) I've always hated crowds, busy places with lots of noise, any type of chaos. I don't like feeling pressured. It always blows my mind when I hear people say that they LIKE working in a high-pressure, high expectations kind of job, because it sounds like an absolute nightmare to me. I don't like feeling like my performance is being observed or critiqued in any way. And once I had a toddler, I discovered that I'm really sensitive to sudden loud noises, or repetition of loud noises.
I felt like a terrible mom before I found out that this was a legitimate "thing". I would sometimes be almost in tears when Rowan would use a toy hammer, and I felt awful asking him to play quietly. I felt like noise was just an inherent part of boyhood (and it is), and I felt like I was robbing him of a childhood somehow by not being able to cope with excess noise. And then one of my friends shared this article on Facebook.
I was ELATED. Seriously, it was like a huge weight had just been lifted off my shoulders. I wasn't a mean mom who just didn't want her sweet little boy to be a normal boy. I had a name for the things that I thought were just freakish quirks that I'd carried with me most of my life. I quickly went and took the test (which you can find here, if you're interested) and checked off 24 out of 27 questions. So many things finally made sense, like how other people's moods affect me so deeply I have trouble distinguishing whether the feelings I'm feeling are MY feelings, or I'm just absorbing some of their emotions. Ok. Cool. So... what now?
That's the hard part. I found a few articles about how to parent if you're a HSP, and a lot of them said things about bringing nature into your home. (Fresh flowers, potted plants, pet fish, etc.) So I did. I no longer feel bad asking Rowan to tone it down a little, although I try to save it for when I'm feeling truly overwhelmed. He's a sweet kid and really does a great job of accommodating his weirdo mommy. ;) I've also enlisted DH to help shoulder the burden, and boy has he come through like you wouldn't believe. Have I mentioned before that he's superhumanly incredible? Because he is. He's doing an awesome job of making sure I get a little downtime if I need it. But it's still HARD some days. There are times I just go to my closet and cry like a child for a few minutes because I just feel completely inadequate to the task at hand. The noise, the chaos, the toys everywhere, the crying child who wants to snuggle at the same time that the other crying child wants to be nursed... I still really struggle a lot of the time. But I'm coping, and I know I'm not the only person who deals with this now, and that's made an enormous difference.
Are any of you Highly Sensitive and raising littles? How do you deal with the hustle and bustle of daily life?
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
January 11, 2015
October 6, 2012
Things I'm Learning
-It's really hard to find time to blog when you have a newborn. Diligent mommy bloggers, I salute you. I don't know how you do it!
-Nursing is really challenging, and sometimes a little maddening. If I wasn't so dedicated to doing this for my son, I would give up and just give him formula. (Or let daddy give him formula.) There's something wonderful but simultaneously overwhelming about being his only source of nourishment...especially at 3:00 in the morning.
-A perpetually late person + a newborn = a perpetually super late person.
-Time during pregnancy goes at a crawl. Time with a newborn rushes by so fast that I think I'm getting a little whiplash.
-Instagram is an awesome tool for recording the first few days (and weeks and months) of your kid's life. (Feel free to follow me; my username is blindvictory, of course!) Also, a smartphone is a lifesaver during the wee morning hours when you're nursing (again) and you need something to keep you awake.
-I was apparently destined to be an attachment parent. I LOVE bed sharing. Still working on getting him to tolerate the pocket sling. I'm realizing that I get a little jealous when family visits and I have to let other people hold him for a few hours...makes me a little glad when he decides to cluster feed. ;)
-Being a mom is still totally awesome. I can't believe that my husband and I created such a perfect little boy. I thank God every day for the blessing of my sweet little family.
Also, a quick note. I'm thinking about changing my blog name from "Waiting for Arrows" to something else. I haven't decided what yet. If I come up with anything good, I'll let everyone know! If you've got any suggestions or ideas, pitch 'em to me because I'm terribly uncreative. I also totally want a new blog design, but I am cheap and don't want to pay for a good one, and whenever I try to do the free ones, the coding gets messed up and half the blog reverts to the old style and half has the new layout. Lame.
-Nursing is really challenging, and sometimes a little maddening. If I wasn't so dedicated to doing this for my son, I would give up and just give him formula. (Or let daddy give him formula.) There's something wonderful but simultaneously overwhelming about being his only source of nourishment...especially at 3:00 in the morning.
-A perpetually late person + a newborn = a perpetually super late person.
-Time during pregnancy goes at a crawl. Time with a newborn rushes by so fast that I think I'm getting a little whiplash.
-I was apparently destined to be an attachment parent. I LOVE bed sharing. Still working on getting him to tolerate the pocket sling. I'm realizing that I get a little jealous when family visits and I have to let other people hold him for a few hours...makes me a little glad when he decides to cluster feed. ;)
-Being a mom is still totally awesome. I can't believe that my husband and I created such a perfect little boy. I thank God every day for the blessing of my sweet little family.
Also, a quick note. I'm thinking about changing my blog name from "Waiting for Arrows" to something else. I haven't decided what yet. If I come up with anything good, I'll let everyone know! If you've got any suggestions or ideas, pitch 'em to me because I'm terribly uncreative. I also totally want a new blog design, but I am cheap and don't want to pay for a good one, and whenever I try to do the free ones, the coding gets messed up and half the blog reverts to the old style and half has the new layout. Lame.
September 25, 2012
The first few days
Life as a mom is so different from how I expected. Honestly, it's so much more fun and rewarding than I thought it would be at this point! Here's a little look at what life is like for us as Rowan's parents.
Rowan's a great sleeper. I'm probably still getting five or six hours a night. Which, as a girl who loves sleep, is still less than I'd like, but realistically, I know that's awesome for a newborn. I told myself through the whole pregnancy that there was NO WAY I was going to bed-share, but I was wrong. I find myself having more separation anxiety than I expected. I want him there, cuddled next to me. We've got a co-sleeper next to the bed, but if he gets grunty or squirmy, I just pull him up next to me and he zonks out. (And when he's sleeping quietly, I do, too.) I'm blessed that he'll nurse in the mornings around 6:30 or 7:00 and then go back to sleep with me for another hour and a half or more.
Rowan is probably the most laid-back baby I've ever seen. I thought at first it was because of the jaundice, but that's (mostly) cleared up now and he still is just so chill. He sleeps a lot, but when he's awake, he almost never fusses. He'll just sit and stare at us, or the light from a window, or whatever. He's not a huge fan of diaper changes or sponge baths, or anything that pins him down or makes him be still. He had to be re-hospitalized because of the jaundice, and I could hear him screaming from several rooms away while they did his IV. (I cried more than he did, I think.) My mom stayed with him and said that honestly, she thought he was screaming mostly from being pinned down, rather than from pain. Same with his circumcision. (We had a mohel do the circ...LOVED him.)
all warm under the bili-lights
Daddy and Rowan are bonding more and more, and it totally melts my heart. One of the things that I was most excited about was watching my husband become a father, and it has totally been everything I hoped it would be. Right now he's got Rowan sleeping on his chest, and he's leaned back in the recliner playing Final Fantasy 9. It's adorable.
In terms of post-partum recovery, I'm doing amazingly well. So much so that it almost scares me a little. I keep waiting for the crazy hormones and whatnot to hit me and make me feel lost or overwhelmed or manic, and it just hasn't yet. I'll go ahead and credit that largely to the placenta encapsulation that we did. I've been taking the capsules and haven't had the tiniest bit of baby blues or anything. The only time I cry is when I look at Rowan sometimes and am so overwhelmed with love and joy that I can't help but get weepy. (Scares the heck out of DH, haha.) Again, I am so blessed that PP recovery is going so smoothly. I'm barely even bleeding anymore, at 11 days post-birth. Amazing!
Life as a new mom is way cool. I love my little scrunchy, cuddly baby. I love my husband even more than I did before. To those of you who haven't experienced this yet: I can't wait for you to become moms. It is so, so worth every bit of struggle and prayer and waiting that you're going through right now. I know I didn't have to wait as long as a lot of my friends, and I'm so thankful for that, but I know that to have this little guy in my life, it would've been worth a lifetime of waiting.
Rowan's a great sleeper. I'm probably still getting five or six hours a night. Which, as a girl who loves sleep, is still less than I'd like, but realistically, I know that's awesome for a newborn. I told myself through the whole pregnancy that there was NO WAY I was going to bed-share, but I was wrong. I find myself having more separation anxiety than I expected. I want him there, cuddled next to me. We've got a co-sleeper next to the bed, but if he gets grunty or squirmy, I just pull him up next to me and he zonks out. (And when he's sleeping quietly, I do, too.) I'm blessed that he'll nurse in the mornings around 6:30 or 7:00 and then go back to sleep with me for another hour and a half or more.
Rowan is probably the most laid-back baby I've ever seen. I thought at first it was because of the jaundice, but that's (mostly) cleared up now and he still is just so chill. He sleeps a lot, but when he's awake, he almost never fusses. He'll just sit and stare at us, or the light from a window, or whatever. He's not a huge fan of diaper changes or sponge baths, or anything that pins him down or makes him be still. He had to be re-hospitalized because of the jaundice, and I could hear him screaming from several rooms away while they did his IV. (I cried more than he did, I think.) My mom stayed with him and said that honestly, she thought he was screaming mostly from being pinned down, rather than from pain. Same with his circumcision. (We had a mohel do the circ...LOVED him.)
Daddy and Rowan are bonding more and more, and it totally melts my heart. One of the things that I was most excited about was watching my husband become a father, and it has totally been everything I hoped it would be. Right now he's got Rowan sleeping on his chest, and he's leaned back in the recliner playing Final Fantasy 9. It's adorable.
In terms of post-partum recovery, I'm doing amazingly well. So much so that it almost scares me a little. I keep waiting for the crazy hormones and whatnot to hit me and make me feel lost or overwhelmed or manic, and it just hasn't yet. I'll go ahead and credit that largely to the placenta encapsulation that we did. I've been taking the capsules and haven't had the tiniest bit of baby blues or anything. The only time I cry is when I look at Rowan sometimes and am so overwhelmed with love and joy that I can't help but get weepy. (Scares the heck out of DH, haha.) Again, I am so blessed that PP recovery is going so smoothly. I'm barely even bleeding anymore, at 11 days post-birth. Amazing!
Life as a new mom is way cool. I love my little scrunchy, cuddly baby. I love my husband even more than I did before. To those of you who haven't experienced this yet: I can't wait for you to become moms. It is so, so worth every bit of struggle and prayer and waiting that you're going through right now. I know I didn't have to wait as long as a lot of my friends, and I'm so thankful for that, but I know that to have this little guy in my life, it would've been worth a lifetime of waiting.
August 23, 2012
...But what if I'm bad at this?
Part of me can't wrap my mind around the fact that this large, wiggly lump in my stomach is actually our child. That's a real person in there, a little life we struggled to create. We prayed for him, begged for him, took countless pee tests waiting for some news of his pending arrival, and yet...somehow, he still feels like a figment of my imagination sometimes. Like, there is NO WAY I'm going to go to the hospital and push out a real, live baby and that baby will be ours forever.
And then the part of me that accepts that he is, indeed, a real, live baby that will be ours forever can't believe that the idiots at the hospital will be dumb enough to actually let us take him. Are they insane? Do they realize that we have no idea what to do with a baby? DH has never changed a diaper in his life. I've never taken care of a baby for more than a few hours, myself, and I'm the "experienced" one.
I'm so scared of the change that this little guy is bringing into our lives. We're going to cease to be just Nikki and Nikki's DH. Suddenly, one day next month, we're going to become R---'s mom and dad. The closer I get to that day, the more I realize that I'm going to have to totally get to know this little stranger. How can he be a stranger when he's grown in my body for 9 months? How is it that he's going to come out of me, and yet I'll still have to learn everything about him? It just seems impossibly ridiculous that this is the way having a baby works.
I know all the hesitations and fears I'm having are totally normal. And honestly, I'd side-eye any first time mom who went into childbirth without trepidation. You'd have to be a crazy person to not be a little frightened by the prospect of a tiny life depending on you 24/7 for love, food, shelter, and comfort. But I still feel like I'm being "that" pregnant lady. The one who worries, "What if my kid doesn't like me?" He'll grow to like you. He's a baby. "What if I can't figure out what he needs?" You will. You'll learn to read his cries and his cues and if all else fails, call your doctor. "What if he grows up too fast?" He will. Just remember that through all the nights of sleeplessness, the thousand diapers a day, the anxiety and stress of newborn care. This too shall pass, and you'll wish you could have it back, so don't rush through a single minute of it.
I hope that somehow, this little guy knows how much I love him already. I promise, little dude, I will try SO hard to be the best mom I can be. Be patient with me. You're kind of a new experience.
And then the part of me that accepts that he is, indeed, a real, live baby that will be ours forever can't believe that the idiots at the hospital will be dumb enough to actually let us take him. Are they insane? Do they realize that we have no idea what to do with a baby? DH has never changed a diaper in his life. I've never taken care of a baby for more than a few hours, myself, and I'm the "experienced" one.
I'm so scared of the change that this little guy is bringing into our lives. We're going to cease to be just Nikki and Nikki's DH. Suddenly, one day next month, we're going to become R---'s mom and dad. The closer I get to that day, the more I realize that I'm going to have to totally get to know this little stranger. How can he be a stranger when he's grown in my body for 9 months? How is it that he's going to come out of me, and yet I'll still have to learn everything about him? It just seems impossibly ridiculous that this is the way having a baby works.
I know all the hesitations and fears I'm having are totally normal. And honestly, I'd side-eye any first time mom who went into childbirth without trepidation. You'd have to be a crazy person to not be a little frightened by the prospect of a tiny life depending on you 24/7 for love, food, shelter, and comfort. But I still feel like I'm being "that" pregnant lady. The one who worries, "What if my kid doesn't like me?" He'll grow to like you. He's a baby. "What if I can't figure out what he needs?" You will. You'll learn to read his cries and his cues and if all else fails, call your doctor. "What if he grows up too fast?" He will. Just remember that through all the nights of sleeplessness, the thousand diapers a day, the anxiety and stress of newborn care. This too shall pass, and you'll wish you could have it back, so don't rush through a single minute of it.
I hope that somehow, this little guy knows how much I love him already. I promise, little dude, I will try SO hard to be the best mom I can be. Be patient with me. You're kind of a new experience.
May 14, 2012
Guess I'm going to be a terrible mom.
The crud that people will say online never ceases to amaze me. And infuriate me. So this post is going to be a vent...if you don't want to hear my griping, feel free to look away now. ;)
I started a thread on TB asking for advice on how to deal with my cats. They've been acting insane lately (read my previous posts for examples) and it has escalated to peeing outside the litter box when we weren't home. I don't want to get rid of the cats because I truly think they're supposed to be a commitment, but at the same time, I'm at my wit's end with their behavior.
Someone mentioned that I should take them to the vet to make sure they don't have a UTI, and I responded that due to some financial struggles at the moment, I can't afford a vet visit. HUGE MISTAKE, apparently. A handful (not all) of the posters started saying how they feel bad for my cats, since apparently I'm a terrible person who is irresponsible and was ill-prepared for taking care of animals.
Ok, here's my question. How was I supposed to predict our lack of funds? Am I supposed to be able to see the future and know how our finances are going to pan out at every turn? Am I supposed to know that DH will get passed up for promotions, that our cars will start breaking down suddenly, that my medical bills will be crazy, that we'll need to pay for testing to see if our unborn child has chromosomal defects? Apparently, the answer is "yes". One of the women actually went so far as to call me a "b*tch" and ask how I plan to support my baby if I don't have the money or patience to deal with my cats peeing on the carpet.
Are you stinking kidding me? This just makes me so irritated. How dare you imply that I'm a bad mother because I'm having a baby without being affluent. That doesn't mean our son won't have what he needs. Not everyone is blessed with being upper middle class. I'd say that, honestly, we're probably lower middle class. We waited until we had health insurance to try for a baby. He'll have what he needs to be happy and healthy. And you know what? Poor people can still be great parents. My mom was so desperately poor when I was a kid that we were on food stamps and relied on free healthcare for a while. And she was STILL an awesome mom. All of my clothes were second-hand, but I was provided for and I was a happy kid.
I hate arrogance. I'm not a perfect person. I don't have the perfect life. I don't have the perfect finances or the perfect home or the perfect situation. But don't you dare say that I'm irresponsible for having a child at a less-than-perfect time in my life. You do things your way, I'll do them mine. And honestly? If we waited for the perfect moment, we would have never become parents. Because there's no such thing as perfect.
End rant.
I started a thread on TB asking for advice on how to deal with my cats. They've been acting insane lately (read my previous posts for examples) and it has escalated to peeing outside the litter box when we weren't home. I don't want to get rid of the cats because I truly think they're supposed to be a commitment, but at the same time, I'm at my wit's end with their behavior.
Someone mentioned that I should take them to the vet to make sure they don't have a UTI, and I responded that due to some financial struggles at the moment, I can't afford a vet visit. HUGE MISTAKE, apparently. A handful (not all) of the posters started saying how they feel bad for my cats, since apparently I'm a terrible person who is irresponsible and was ill-prepared for taking care of animals.
Ok, here's my question. How was I supposed to predict our lack of funds? Am I supposed to be able to see the future and know how our finances are going to pan out at every turn? Am I supposed to know that DH will get passed up for promotions, that our cars will start breaking down suddenly, that my medical bills will be crazy, that we'll need to pay for testing to see if our unborn child has chromosomal defects? Apparently, the answer is "yes". One of the women actually went so far as to call me a "b*tch" and ask how I plan to support my baby if I don't have the money or patience to deal with my cats peeing on the carpet.
Are you stinking kidding me? This just makes me so irritated. How dare you imply that I'm a bad mother because I'm having a baby without being affluent. That doesn't mean our son won't have what he needs. Not everyone is blessed with being upper middle class. I'd say that, honestly, we're probably lower middle class. We waited until we had health insurance to try for a baby. He'll have what he needs to be happy and healthy. And you know what? Poor people can still be great parents. My mom was so desperately poor when I was a kid that we were on food stamps and relied on free healthcare for a while. And she was STILL an awesome mom. All of my clothes were second-hand, but I was provided for and I was a happy kid.
I hate arrogance. I'm not a perfect person. I don't have the perfect life. I don't have the perfect finances or the perfect home or the perfect situation. But don't you dare say that I'm irresponsible for having a child at a less-than-perfect time in my life. You do things your way, I'll do them mine. And honestly? If we waited for the perfect moment, we would have never become parents. Because there's no such thing as perfect.
End rant.
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