To tell you the truth, I'm always waiting.

You know, in general, I think I'm a happy person. I can be a little bit of a pessimist, but overall, I tend to be in a good mood most of the time. I feel geniune excitement when someone I care about experiences joy, and overall, I'm extremely content with my life.

But today, I'm struggling a little.

There is still such a long wait until I O. As of today, I'm on CD11. That means I have at least 11 days until I O, unless it happens early for some reason. It feels like the last three months have been excruciatingly slow while we've been in the TTC process. I wait to O, and then I have the 2WW. And then when tests are negative and AF shows up, I wait some more. I'm just praying that this cycle is "the one". I don't know how the women who try for extended periods of time stay so strong. Maybe it's because I'm an emotional person by nature, or maybe I'm just extra hormonal today, but I just don't want to wait much longer for our take-home baby.

Ok, enough whining. I'll throw in some good news so I don't seem like a negative Nancy. DH and I have been a little stressed about our lease running out on June 30th, and whether or not we'd be able to find a place. We had been thinking about moving to the next town over, but weren't sure if we would have much luck finding a place quickly enough. Well, yesterday, we found the perfect place. They've already approved us, and we got to go tour one of their places. It's a duplex, and it seems HUGE. (I'm comparing it to our apartment, but it still seems quite a nice size.) High ceilings, lots of nice windows, washer/dryer hookup, great storage, and cheaper rent than our apartment right now. And the best part? They'll let us PAINT. Yeah, that seems small, but I hated the idea of having a nursery and not getting to customize it at all in terms of color. They'll let us plant flowers outside if we want, we can have pets with no extra charge on rent or special deposit, and they take care of the lawn. Praying so hard that we'll get this place!

DH and I have been to the gym the last couple nights. It hurts, but I love it. I think I've finally gotten to the point that I'm truly sick of being heavier than I want, and yoga has helped me get the motivation to take better care of myself. I will always love food, but I'm learning to balance a little better. (And thanks to the urging of my dearest NotGabber, I've been really working on drinking more water. Fingers crossed that it helps!)

Dear Britt...

Just wanted to update my bloggety blog and tell you that I LUFF you. There, happy? ;)

Today was a much more productive Saturday than usual. I woke up at 8:00 to get ready for yoga. (I do not wake up before 8:30 on Saturdays. Ever.) It wasn't a class that I usually go to, so I was a little apprehensive. When I walked in and saw that I was the youngest person by at least 15 years, I relaxed. It was a lot milder than my regular class so I left feeling great. (I also almost laughed out loud when someone farted during class. I'm a child.) Later in the afternoon, DH took me shopping for some real yoga pants. I've been wearing sweatpants, which gets hot and really uncomfortable. TJ Maxx had some super comfortable yoga capris for $14.99. Score.

I've really been enjoying my stress-free life lately. Finances aren't really an issue, we're still early in our TTC process so it's not a big source of anxiety, and I've been doing yoga a few times a week. Bliss. Until today, that is. We got a letter from our landlord a few days ago saying that our lease expires on June 30th. When we looked a little closer at the letter today, we realized that if we're planning to move, we have to give written notice 30 days in advance. My reaction? o_0 We were still trying to make the decision of whether or not we'd move, and now we're being thrown a curve. Not only do we have to decide, but we have to decide NOW, and find a place fast. Sigh. I have to keep telling myself "Do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." It'll work out. The waiting just sucks.

In yoga, it's a common practice to mentally give yourself an affirmation or state a goal before your session. I'm thinking I'll apply that to my TTC journey, as well. My goal for this month is to drink more water, relax, and get KU. Here's hoping. We can do this. We will have our take-home baby in God's time. I have to trust that He will provide for us when He knows it's best. He has never led me wrong before...I trust Him completely.

Just another manic...Tuesday.

Thank goodness for yoga today. I need to get my zen on. I'm feeling a little anxious about finances today. Our budget has been a little tight, and DH and I had the discussion of trying to get it under control. We spend a lot more than we should on food (including eating out, although we're getting much better about it). I've been in the process of looking for a job, but DH pointed out that, if we move soon, I'd have to leave that job less than two months after starting it. So we decided that we'll budget better, and I'll start doing my best to coupon and save some money. I'm not sure why, but the prospect makes me feel nervous. Couponing looks like a lot of work and I feel like I'll end up really frustrated. I guess the only way to find out is to try it.

Last cycle was a BFN, despite the lovely chart. So I guess DH and I will talk to his parents about TTC. That doesn't exactly do much to ease my nerves. I'm not looking forward to the negativity or unwanted opinions. We're not asking permission, or looking for advice or objections. Just letting them know, because it hasn't been easy hiding everything. Part of me hopes I get KU this cycle because then we can just wait and tell them once I'm a few weeks along. Sigh.

Yoga. Peace. Zen. Argh.