I really, really hate my cats.

So, at what point is it acceptable to give these demons from Hell back to the Humane Society?

I am so sick of the destruction. Nothing is safe from them. Want to have tissues? Screw that, they'll rip them to shreds and leave it for you to clean up. Shoes? They'll rip those up, too. (Thought that was just dogs, right? Wrong.) Books, houseplants, electrical cords, a doll from Korea that someone brought me, the trashcan in the bathroom, are all fair game in their eyes. No matter how high of a shelf I put something on, they'll get it if they want it.

Today was the final straw. I am honestly thinking about relinquishing ownership because of this. (And I know that's awful, because pets are supposed to be a lifetime commitment, but what else can I do when they're literally destroying our belongings?) I have a record player that was FIL's back in the day. I have to keep the cords piled up on top of it and covered with a box, because I know the cats have a tendency to shred anything they can get their paws on. But today, I was in the kitchen doing dishes, and I wanted to listen to the "Thriller" album. So I set up the record player, and cleaned the kitchen. Within about 10 minutes, they had gotten a hold of one of the cords on the turntable, stripped it, and ripped it into three separate pieces. It's beyond repair. This record player has a lot of sentimental value to me because I'm very close with my FIL, and I am in tears, I'm so furious. It's only 11:50 and it's already been a sucky day, and this just makes it even worse.

I just don't know what else to do at this point. We have tried spray bottles of water as a deterrent to bad behavior, and they don't care. We've tried vinegar in the spray bottles. They don't care. We've tried spanking. They don't care. We've tried everything we can think of, but they still just do their own thing and destroy our stuff, no matter how hard we try to give them second and third and fortieth chances. I'm so frustrated that I could just pull my hair out.

Can anyone offer ANY solutions? Is there anything left that I can do to keep them from being so destructive so that I don't feel like my only option is to get rid of them? I know we could try the claw cap things, but honestly, the problem is their teeth, not their claws. They're good about only scratching the scratching post and their climbing tower, but if it can fit in their mouth, they'll chew it to pieces before you even realize they've got it. (My record player parts, for example...) We can't afford cat behavioralists or any crap like that...we're having a very hard time financially and that alone has made me consider getting rid of them, so the cost of care (with a strained budget) and their bad behavior is not making them very secure in their living arrangements. I don't want to get rid of them, I really don't. But I also cannot deal with the anxiety of waking up every morning and literally going to check and see what they've done during the night. Can you crate train cats? Shock collars? Anything?

Between our finances, waiting for test results to see if our little boy has Down's Syndrome, and badly behaved pets, I am feeling incredibly worn out and stressed. I just want to crawl in bed and sleep until everything magically resolves itself and I don't have to deal with a bunch of junk.

ETA: Now that I've calmed down, I'm probably not going to get rid of the little beasts. (I think.) They get all pathetic and apologetic and I just feel too guilty. But still, if anyone has any advice at all, I'd love to hear it. If they tear up more stuff I might change my mind again.