A New Year's Resolution...a little early.

Laying in bed last night with a glass of water on my nightstand, I realized that I had had two small juice glasses full of fluid that day. And that was it. No water, no milk, no soda...just a little juice. As I lay there thinking about it, I realized that I never have as much water as I'm supposed to. I drink maybe one bottle of water a day. I think my average max is about 20oz of fluids. And I started to wonder how on earth I'm not experiencing serious side effects from being so dehydrated. (Or maybe I am and just don't know it!)

I think this has always been a problem for me. Even as a little kid, I never drank water. I've always disliked it. When I was pregnant with Finley, I made a real effort to drink a lot of water. To me, it felt like I was drinking massive quantities, but realistically, I was probably drinking less than a normal person drinks in a day. I tried really hard because I knew my unborn child really needed me to be well-hydrated. When I lost Finley, I developed an a mental block about drinking water. In my mind, this was something I had done to take care of my baby, and now that I didn't have one, it felt pointless and stupid. I rebelled against water. When we started going to the gym, I cut out sodas as part of the deal, but that has led to me consuming even less fluids.

So my NYR, starting a little early, is that I'm going to really work hard on drinking more water. I did a little quiz online about how much water I should be drinking...it said I should be drinking about 2 liters a day. Woah. I might not get up to quite that much, but I'm going to really work on getting my 8 glasses. Wish me luck.

I just couldn't wait!

I put up my Christmas tree on Sunday night. I just couldn't wait anymore. This is the first year that I've really felt we would be able to decorate properly for Christmas, and I am going all-out. I need to find a tree skirt because it looks silly without one, and I want to get some stockings. I'll try to talk DH into letting me get lights to put in the front window, too. (I couldn've sworn we already had some, because the dinky tree we put up last year wasn't pre-lit, but I can't find them anywhere!) I had told myself that I would wait until after Thanksgiving to put up the tree, but at least I waited until the week of Thanksgiving, right?

That's my tree, in all it's late-night glory. I LOVE my star...it's glittery during the day and all warm and glowy in the dark. (And it was only 7 bucks.)

I'm feeling some serious Thanksgiving anxiety. I'm going to be in a house with 20 people, several of which I've never met before. They're the relatives of my SIL-to-be, and I'm not exactly her biggest fan, so I get the feeling I won't like her family much more, either. She and her sisters are all tall, very thin, and model-like, so I am feeling a LOT of (self-imposed) pressure to look as good as I'm humanly capable of looking. I'm already agonizing over how I'm going to do my hair and makeup, and what I'm going to wear. I liked it better when I was the only girl in the family; everyone thought I was pretty and wonderful. And now there's someone prettier and more interesting than me, and I feel like I'm off in the corner somewhere going, "I'm interesting too, guys. Hey. Hey guys? I'm over here."

Thinking of Finley a lot today. We would've been announcing the gender to the family at Thanksgiving. I woudl've known by now whether or not we were having a boy or a girl. Miscarriage is such a sucky thing...the pain of it never goes away. I'm really hoping this cycle is "the one"...the closer I get to a 2013 due date, the more depressed I am.

Oh well. I probably won't update again until after Turkey day, so, Happy Thanksgiving! Hope it's a wonderful one!

I'm...cold. Wait, really?

It looks like this is it, folks. Fall. Maybe?

The weather here in southern KY has suddenly turned un-hot, perhaps even a bit chilly. I'm sitting in my living room with the ceiling fan switch firmly positioned to "off," and yet I'm not sweating. I'm actually cold. My toes are begging me to find some thick woolly socks, and my arms are all like, "What, you couldn't find a hoodie? Seriously?" I'm pretty sure our winter stuff is all up in the attic, and there is no way I'm trying to drag it down from there. I can just picture DH coming home to find me at the bottom of the attic ladder, passed out with a large crate lying on top of me, cats sniffing my hair and crying at me to give them food. No, thanks.

Fall is, and has always been my favorite season. I love it when the air gets chilly and crisp, and I love fall colors. And I LOVE Halloween. I've been told that I'll get to dress up for work if I'm scheduled on H-day this year, and I'm pretty pumped about that. I stood in the bathroom at 11:30 last night, playing with my makeup and trying to create something Halloween worthy. I was successful, but I didn't take pics. Shame.

Even my favorite time of year is sadder this time, though. I just keep thinking that man, I would've been 18 weeks pregnant with Finley on Halloween. I probably would've had a bump and everything. It's such a cruddy feeling to realize all the things that I'll never get to share with this baby. But I can't change the past...I just have to keep loving Finley and keep praying for our take-home baby. Hopefully we'll be able to make our sticky baby soon and I'll be able to have a healthy, normal pregnancy. (Although I have to admit, I can't even imagine what a healthy pregnancy would be like.)

I think I'm going to go find a cardigan. That's right, a cardigan. With long sleeves. Welcome back, Fall.I missed you.