The beginning of the end? Eh...maybe.

Since Rowan was born, I have rocked him to sleep. For naps, for bedtime...he was always in my arms. And often, he was in my arms, screaming and arching and fighting me with all the will and strength he had in his little body. Bedtime was especially disastrous. We often would start the process before 9:00 and not have a sleeping baby until 11:00 or later. I figured he was just one of those kids who didn't like going to sleep.

Yesterday was a high energy day and when it came time for him to nap around 5:30, I just didn't have the energy to rock him. So I swaddled him, put him down in his crib, turned on the sound machine, and walked out. And you know what? He went to sleep on his own.
Color me shocked...I had never seen him fall asleep on his own before that. I told DH about the success and when it came time for the next nap, he suggested we try it again. And it worked again. When bedtime came, we did it all over again, and again it worked. (Although, at bedtime, he did take a long time to fall asleep...but without fighting, without screaming. He slept in his crib from 10:30 until midnight, and when he woke up I brought him into bed with me and nursed him back to sleep.

Honestly, a big part of me is really sad. What happened to little babies needing their mommies? What happened to getting the memories of sweetly rocking my ever-growing child every night? It was really odd going to bed last night without his little warm body snuggled up against me. And like the title of this post indicates, I feel like this is the beginning of the end of my cosleeping adventures with my sweet baby boy. He's suddenly rolling, trying to crawl (!?!?), and putting himself to sleep. (Actually, he's asleep right now, and that's why I finally have time to write.) I'm oddly proud, but also feeling wistful for his newborn days when he'd curl up on my chest and zonk out without hesitation. And ok, part of me is kicking myself for not realizing sooner that I could just put him down to get him to sleep...do you know how many hours I've struggled with him in the evening, and both of us ended up in tears?!? Sheesh.

Maybe when he's a little bigger, he'll go back to wanting his Momma to snuggle him. Maybe this is just a phase tied to his new-found mobility. I dunno. Regardless, I'm still having a ton of fun being his mom and this is just another reminder to soak it all up and enjoy every minute because it is absolutely flying.